When I was 25, 
I met a guy who seemed perfect for me, and I for him. After six months of dating, we got engaged. I felt sure this was The One because we were so in sync on so many things that mattered to me. When he proposed, saying yes seemed like the only answer.
We’ve all been to a place like this—in business if not personally. A perfect connection, it seems. Values of both sides aligned. A match made in heaven, right?
What happened next taught me the power of “no”.
Pay attention to intuition
I was thrilled for my fiancé to meet my parents and older brothers when we visited over a holiday. In a new context, I noticed things about the relationship that I hadn’t before. The energy between my fiancé and my brothers wasn’t there. My parents seemed neutral to this engagement. My family is very close and connected, but my fiancé was not connecting.
His interpretation of some of our shared values wasn’t in keeping with mine. I blended some old fashioned traditions with independence. He saw his wife as more dependent on him. We were starting out in a complicated situation; how would it be when we added a mortgage and children to the mix?
I realized that saying yes meant giving up parts of myself I most valued. I had to overcome my fear of displeasing those close to me, and call it off.
What no does
I knew that saying no would be devastating. I called my family for support, and they gave it. What helped me get through that difficult conversation with my fiancé was understanding what yes would mean: a short-term gain and long-term conflict. The power of no was freedom, and no reclaimed my authentic identity from the person he needed me to be.
Saying no ultimately meant saying yes to other possibilities. I met the man who would become my husband, and I felt sure this time because together we pursue the simplicity and interdependence that we both value.
Marriage to my husband of 15 years opened the doors that I always wanted, to a thriving home and children, with a supportive spouse modeling a healthy relationship for our children. Saying no to my fiancé opened up the future with the man of my dreams.
Your Game Changer Takeaway
Saying yes is what we think others want to hear. So often, yes is our default, and only after the fact do we realize the true cost of consent. While it is true that no is one little word that can bring health, abundance and happiness, it is more than that. It is a word that sets a boundary between who you are and the way others want you to be.
Be careful saying yes, and don’t forget to consider no for its power to affirm your potential. It is an expression of faith that protects your time, talent and resources for what could be a higher purpose. Know when to walk away, and embrace the possibilities.
Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to lead well and with purpose. A keynote speaker and author, Molly draws on her decades of experiences working with elite athletes and coaches as a sports agent, and applies them to the business world. You can follow her on Twitter @MollyFletcher.
