Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead” tops the New York Times bestseller list and has prompted debate around the country as
it relates to the lack of female presence in leadership positions. I recently finished the book and found that many of her messages resonated with me and reminded me of my own experiences. I appreciate her willingness to broach subjects and encourage conversation around topics often brushed under the rug. These are just a few of the sections that I connected with.
Chapter 1: The Leadership Ambition Gap
I enjoyed reading about the strong female influences Sandberg had in her early life because I too grew up admiring the strength of my female family members. Both of my grandmothers are fireballs. My maternal grandmother was well-educated and taught physical education in her twenties. My paternal grandmother is the rock for her family, overcoming a tough upbringing to raise her family. She is 94 now and we still talk regularly. My mom has always been my role model. She carries herself like a First Lady and reminds me of Laura Bush. She worked full-time and led every possible volunteer organization in Lansing. These strong, educated and motivated women shaped my early life and continue to do so.
Chapter 5: Are You My Mentor?
Sandberg raises an interesting point– the emphasis women are placing on mentorship is backfiring when we focus just on this idea of “mentorship” and not on the connection behind it. She refers to the number of women that introduce themselves to her, followed immediately by “Will you be my mentor?” I’ve been blessed to have people in my life that I can call mentors, both male and female. And I feel equally privileged to have been able to serve as a mentor to others. But the important thing is that these connections all evolve naturally and authentically. As Sandberg says, we need to stop telling women to “Get a mentor and you will excel” and tell them “Excel and you will get a mentor.”
Chapter 7: Don’t Leave Before You Leave
Women often make professional decisions based on uncertain future plans. Sandberg argues this has a tremendous negative impact on women’s potential earnings and growth as women make tradeoffs before they actually need to. She discusses the classic scenario, where a woman might stop pursuing new opportunities because she is thinking about a family down the road. Sandberg encourages women to lean in BEFORE these decisions, instead of scaling back.
Family decisions are difficult and extremely personal. When my first daughter was four months old, I was in the heart of my career as a sports agent—signing talent and building my team. Balancing it was not easy, and then I found out I was three months pregnant… with twins. Among people’s reactions were shock (my initial reaction!) and then “Well what are you going to do about work?” I decided to stay in the workforce, and little did I know that the real opportunities and growth were still ahead of me. I was fortunate to have that option and plenty of support. Three daughters under 12 months was an adventure but I made it work with the help of my wonderful husband Fred, colleagues and an amazing nanny (Dottie). Looking back, it was important that I had fully leaned in to my career before having my family. If I had scaled back then, I would probably be in a different position now.
Chapter 9: The Myth of Doing It All
When I speak to audiences, I get the inevitable question, “How do you balance it all?” Like most women, I feel as though I should have an answer, but the truth is as women we strive too often for perfection. I tell women to try to evaluate “balance” over a month or longer period of time. Otherwise, we unfairly judge ourselves and become frustrated. Balance is a byproduct of clarity. When you get clear on your priorities, it helps you know when to say “yes” and when to say “no”. Everyone has their own definition of what “having it all” means and we all have different capacity levels. You have to find what’s right for you, and understand that you can be both ambitious and gentle with yourself.
Let’s start talking about it. Thanks Sheryl for leading the conversation.
