I met her on the tennis court last month, 
and I almost couldn’t believe her back-story.
She is a local coach, probably in her early 30s, and one of her players was matched against my daughter. As the two 10-year-old girls played, this coach opened up about how her best days in tennis were gone way too soon.
If your work has turned from passion to drudgery, her story might just sound familiar—and there are ways to reignite your flame.
Fast Start, Unfulfilled Potential
Before the match, I could tell as she warmed up her player that she still had a good game. And with a durag on her head, some swagger too. Her pre-match warm-up was full of crushing shots, with her added advantage of playing left-handed.
Our conversation started with her saying that she had just begun working at the tennis club that was hosting the match.
“Where did you play?” I asked, thinking she had competed in college, much like I had at Michigan State.
Hardly. She had grown up competing with Serena and Venus Williams, and turned pro at age 13 (that’s not a typo). She thought of herself as her “dad’s ticket” (her description) and her stint on the pro tour lasted a dozen years and took her all over the world.
She made it to late rounds in the U.S. Open and other majors. Her best ranking, however, was top 70.
As I listened, my daughter trailed 6-1, 3-0. There was definitely a feeling of imbalance on the court and in the coach’s story.
“I never really believed I could compete out there (on the women’s pro tour) at the highest level,” she confided.
“Why?” I asked.
“I never really knew why I didn’t believe I couldn’t,” she replied. “I just never did.”
“Did you love the game?”
“No,” she said. “It was a job from 13 years old on.”
Motivational Tips that Change the Story
This coach was like other successful professionals I meet occasionally, who tell me that their careers are missing something.
In her case, the obvious lack was her own deeply rooted passion. She didn’t know her why. Playing for her dad, we can see in hindsight, only took her so far. As she matured in years, she needed to own that passion and believe in her abilities far more than her dad did or could. With passion that was truly hers, I believe she would have boosted her preparation and performance.
It’s not easy to cut the cord from a parent, boss or mentor who has given you so much. They have invested in you their knowledge, guidance and maybe even their dreams and expectations. Ultimately, your career and your path does not belong to them, and I argue that you must get clear on your career and personal goals apart from important relationships. Those relationships should support your goals, not control them.
Another important part of passion is a sense of play. Tennis is a fantastic sport, and I know that this coach had to have experienced a joy in the game at some point. The sheer fun of learning to master a difficult challenge is what opens us up to the possibility of pursuing a related career (like love of tennis leads to tennis coaching). Why do adults routinely shed this joy in their work life? Why do we accept drudgery?
Next to the court that day, I couldn’t help but notice this contrast between kids and adults. My daughters are comparatively new at tournament tennis, and are in that stage where they are starting to really enjoy the sport and notice how good some of their peers already are (I see their heads swivel). I know it was hard for both of them to lose to much more seasoned players.
My goal is to feed their interest in tennis and see if a flame lights, that their own interest in tennis can grow and flourish no matter what the score. Hopefully they can make the joy of the game truly their own, and not play just because I do. This is what I hope for them in all parts of their lives: that they never lose the sense of joy and fun doing what they love, that their own unique passions never become a grind.
The takeaway
If you’re not feeling the passion you once did about your work and personal pursuits, remember these motivational tips:
- Passion plus belief are part of the soul of success. You need both.
- Assess and manage key relationships that may be hindering your full potential. Whose expectations are more important? YOURS.
- Do what you love and love what you do. If you’re not feeling that where you are now, get busy assessing your relationships and mapping out steps to recover your passion. If you choose to stay less than fulfilled where you are, you are like a fish swimming upstream.
Molly Fletcher helps inspire and equip game changers to lead well and with purpose. Her recent book, “A Winner’s Guide to Negotiating: How Conversation Gets Deals Done” (McGraw-Hill, 2014), draws on her decades as a sports agent and negotiator on behalf of pro athletes, coaches and broadcasters. Contact Molly here.
