Many nights I put my daughters (one is age 11 and twins who are 10) to bed by lying down with them.
“Tell us a story about Uncle 
Jimmy or Uncle Johnny, Mommy,” they say.
Those are my brothers, trouble-making identical twins five years older than me. They sparked plenty of tales to tell: the snowball tossed at the principal’s car, the fire they set around Grandpa… the list is long.
Would they ever grow up and settle down? People wondered. But today they are outstanding citizens who handle immense responsibility as airline pilots. They channeled their energy and found their gifts largely because of the consistent leadership of our mother.
Successful corporate teams often must corral firecracker personalities like my brothers’. Often these are the team members who are the idea generators. The boundless energy and creativity of these free spirits need some managerial reins, applied with care.
As Mother’s Day approaches, the following three stories help illustrate ways that my closest role model for female leadership found that sweet spot of bringing out the best in her twin engines.
1. Establish clear boundaries
My aunt was visiting us when my brothers started building a fire in our driveway. Mom watched as our aunt became more agitated.
“Are you going to stop them, Mary?” she begged. “Stop them, Mary, stop them!”
Mom knew her boys were safe, weren’t harming others or any significant property. That was a clear limit, and if they stayed in it, she would protect their freedom to test themselves in that space. She never listened when people said, “I thought they would be in prison!” because she knew that they recognized right from wrong.
By allowing them on snowy days to “skitch” to school (holding onto a bumper of a moving car) and try other daredevil acts, my brothers developed fearlessness and confidence that helped launch their careers as pilots.
2. Allow consequences
One sidewalk in our neighborhood had cracked from a tree root pushing up, creating a great jump spot for kids on bikes. Jimmy and Johnny pedaled as fast as they could, to propel their bikes as high as possible.
The nearest homeowner got so nervous watching them. One day she told them to stop because it wasn’t safe. “You old witch!” they said, and headed home.
She called the police, and Mom answered the door. Yes, my twin sons are in the den, she told them after hearing what the neighbor had reported. And yes, the police were welcome to talk to them.
After that encounter, my brothers weren’t so “lippy,” a term for disrespectful talk that my parents did not allow.
The bike jumping might have been dangerous, but the name-calling crossed a line, and the best way that she knew to teach it to my brothers was to let another authority figure bring the hammer down. She didn’t protect them from an important learning moment.
3. Re-direct with firmness
Instead of going head to head with my brothers when they misbehaved, Mom’s strategy was to offer them an outlet for something they were good at or liked to do. Most recently I saw her repeat this with my daughters. When the two wanted the same thing at the same time, Mom defused the situation by redirecting the one who is very service-focused to help cut vegetables for dinner while the other was challenged to practice her upcoming gymnastics routine to show Grandma before dinner…
The foundation of her leadership was her constant presence; her strong sense of caring defined our family life. When she wasn’t working as a speech therapist in the Lansing public schools (her career for 35 years), she was home with us (so was Dad, a sales rep whose rounds ended by 3 pm). They supported one other on that tightrope between giving us freedom and expecting us to take responsibility.
My mother’s leadership (and father’s support) created the foundation for the grit and resilience that my brothers and I have today, truly a gift that we could not have received any other way.
Key Takeaways for Women Leaders
Leadership—especially of the unique gifts women bring to leadership—can be practiced in the home with those who are closest to us. Our mothers and other female relatives and friends can also model effective leadership styles and strategies.
Daily phone calls with my mother inspire my leadership work. These touch points reinforce her love, selflessness passion, authenticity, commitment, faith, engagement in healthy conflict, accountability with one purpose, and that we are united as one family, strong and connected. She naturally demonstrates the fundamentals of what I teach corporations, groups and individuals about leadership.
At the same time, she will not allow herself to be taken advantage of. She is not afraid to tell you what you need to hear, delivered firmly from a place of love and commitment. Her understanding of her children and family runs so deep that she only needs a few words about my issue to get me re-aligned with what’s important.
Her confident leadership in our home transferred easily to benefit our community. She rarely joined a club without also becoming an officer. She was Junior League president, head of the Arts Council, and led other groups.
Her gift of leadership ultimately helped many others seek and find their own gifts. My brothers and me are only some examples of the many who benefited from one great mom’s leadership abilities.
We coach leaders—male and female—to reach their top performance. They make their departments, teams, and even their families more engaged and inspired. We can tailor a leadership curriculum that brings out the best in your women and men leaders. Contact us today or learn more here about our corporate development services.
